I don’t get how I manage to do it. Everytime I am so close to reaching something great, I mess it up and it all crumbles down. In the end, I’m left with nothing but this self inflicting pain of failure. I never seem to get there, but I always envision the best, what it should be, how it feels. After all these years, I don’t learn from my mistakes; I probably make the same ones, allowing myself to end in the same current state of mind. I run back in, naive and confused as why things happened the way it did, never understanding the reason behind it all. Someday I’ll get it.
For once, I want a guy to sweep me off my feet, to make me smile and laugh endlessly and to feel secure. That they won’t randomly run away from me. If they feel that something is going wrong, they will fight for me, to make sure everything does work out. That the “not possible” turns into very possible. I want to find the guy who I am not hesitant to call because they will make time for me, no matter what situation theyre in. That guy who calls me all the time just so I know that Im on his mind. The guy who is busy and social, but always makes time for me, no matter how many friends he has. That even though he is funny, outgoing, he is still very down to earth and romantic during his quiet moments. That nothing that I did in my past affects his judgements or feelings about me.
And lastly, if something is bothering him, he will tell me and not behind the factor that defines us. Distance.